Rest is Not a Luxury in the "Fourth Trimester"
The case for prioritizing rest in the immediate days and weeks after birth.
Around the world, cultures from Nigeria to China honor the postpartum period — the time immediately after birth — with 30–40 days of rest, nourishment and hands-on support for new mothers. In the U.S., dominant culture prioritizes productivity and promotes “snapping back,” overlooking a critical window for healing and bonding. It’s no wonder that approximately 1 in 7 mothers experience postpartum depression within a year of giving birth.
I know that, unfortunately, we all don’t have the luxury of time off or a big village — especially single parents or families who’ve just relocated. But for the sake of your own health and sanity, I encourage you to get creative: ask for help, plan ahead and build in rest however you can. Definitely don’t let pride stop you from getting what you need.
You just carried and birthed a whole human — you deserve care, too. Even if you feel “fine,” trust me: your body needs time to heal. Let this be a time of restoration, not performance.
After my two home births, my midwife’s guidance was one week in the bed, one week on the bed, one week around the bed. Many say five days each, and call it the 5-5-5 Postpartum Rule, but if you can take a week each, DO. IT.
The way I see it, postpartum is forever. You will be raising this human…forever. Take this first 40 days to pour back into yourself and set a strong foundation for the decades ahead. You’ll also be modeling self-care for that sweet baby of yours. 🥰
Support roles to line up before baby
Below is a (non-exhaustive) list of support roles you may consider coordinating before baby comes, to allow space for rest and healing. Talk this through with your partner, if applicable, so you enter postpartum with a plan aligned to your priorities, budget, time off and family structure.
Meal Support: someone to cook (or drop off) warm, nourishing meals — or organize a meal train. There are websites to help you remove the guesswork, and give out-of-town family and friends a simple way to care for you from afar. Preparing your own freezer meals before baby arrives is also a great option. And never underestimate the power of a well-stocked snack cart!
Childcare: a trusted person to care for any older children or help with school runs and activities, plus consider home life: meals, bedtime routines, etc. Please fight the urge to “do it all.” Invite your village to carry some of the load. Just be sure to make some time for extra snuggles.
Home Support: help with light housekeeping — laundry, dishes, tidying, trash, etc. This may look like hiring a housekeeper for a couple of weeks, or it may be asking a friend or family member to help out. Or simply your partner agreeing to a short list of things to take off your plate in those first few weeks. Planning for this ahead of time prevents you from lying in the bed silently cursing piles of laundry (or the %&?!”@/!!s who are not folding them).
Errands & Logistics: someone to run errands, pick up prescriptions or handle grocery runs (or consider using a delivery service). Again, plan with your partner or house mates ahead of time to see where some of your typical contributions can be redistributed.
Bodywork & Comfort: a designated friend, doula or healer to run herbal baths, help you set up a sitz bath, prep teas or offer gentle massage. This may feel “extra” at first, but that’s only because, sadly, our culture normalizes our pain and discomfort. If budget is an issue, call on a friend or consider adding a healing fund to your registry (prioritize this over the fancy gadget!)
Chiropractic Care or Acupuncture: both can help with pain relief, reduced inflammation, faster healing, stress reduction and so much more. This care can be game-changing through the pregnancy itself, and carried into postpartum. Pro tip: Look for a Webster-certified chiropractor, who’s trained on specific analysis and adjustment of the pelvis.
Emotional Support: a trusted listener or postpartum doula/therapist who checks in regularly. A safe emotional outlet can be a crucial lifeline during this period.
Postpartum Doula: if possible, we highly recommend hiring a professional to guide you in recovery, basic feeding and newborn care. Most will be able to support in a handful of the roles on this list.
Lactation Consultant: if you plan to breastfeed, their support can be game-changing — helping with latch, milk supply and any early challenges (read: less stress!).
The "No" Person: assign a friend or family member to be the gatekeeper. (You probably know the one). “No, we’re not taking visitors yet.” “No, we’re resting now.” “No” is a full sentence.
Pro tip: let family and friends know ahead of time that you’re limiting visits after baby arrives. When you’re ready, you’ll share photos or updates. If someone does visit, it should be to support your healing — whether that’s bringing food, folding laundry or holding the baby while you rest. No, you’re not being “difficult.”
These roles don’t have to be filled by separate people, of course, and they can be family members or people you hire. You know what’s best for your family. Just be intentional about planning — and clearly communicating — who will carry which pieces so you don’t have to.
If this list feels like a lot or you’re thinking, “I don’t have people,” you might be surprised. Ask anyway — and accept that it might not be perfect. Fill what gaps you can, and maybe just keep the laundry mound in a corner, out of your sight. It’s not about perfection, it’s about intention.
The point is: Prioritize rest and healing over everything.
And cherish that little newborn bubble. As the OGs say, “It goes fast.”
Quick planning checklist
Choose your rest plan: 5-5-5 or 1-1-1 weeks
Draft a visitor policy and pick your “No” person
Set up a meal train or freezer-meal plan
Assign chores: laundry, dishes, tidying, trash
Line up childcare help and school runs
Save contacts: postpartum doula, lactation consultant, therapist
Gather comfort items: herbs, sitz bath, peri bottle, nipple balm, pads
Book bodywork: masseuse, chiropractor, acupuncture
Stock the snack cart and bedside water
Post the plan on the fridge/in the group chat so your village can plug in
I suggest restarting an ancient tradition, have a mama shower in place of the baby shower prior to the birth of the baby. The mama shower celebrates the mama. Builds up her village of birth and postpartum support she will need before the baby is born. Only once baby is born and mama has had her rest of at least forty days was it in true ancestral African tradition to celebrate the arrival of the baby. It was called a naming ceremony. Our ancestors knew to not buy or celebrate anything for the baby until the baby was born. Baby shower prior to the arrival of the child is a modern USA ritual that psychologically sets up the mama to only value a promise not guaranteed and to not recognize her own worth and preparation for becoming a mother to this child. Let’s celebrate mama first then baby when baby comes through Earth side.
Ase for this sis. Back in the days before our people began integrating into the US army, it was common place for black folks (black mamas) to rest and be taken care of after giving birth. After only asking very specific questions about birth, midwives, afterbirth, my cousins provided many marvelous answers. My maternal kinfolk are from Georgia. It was tradition, the African way, that once birthing a baby, the young mama would stay with her mother to be taken care of for at least a month. That was tradition in my family. My youngest aunt, of eight children, was ready to continue the tradition of taking care of her daughter and her babies. Her daughter would have stayed locked in the house. Having all her needs and meals taken care of by her mother. My aunt would’ve passed down the knowledge of rituals of how to take care of the baby, how to take care of herself, and prepare different medicines. Once the baby was about seven days old, the mother or midwife, would accompany the mama and baby out one door of the house. They would approach each corner. Stop. The mama would whisper a monologue of gratitude to her ancestors for blessing the earth side arrival for the rebirth of this ancestor. Blessing her to be the mama. Once the ritual of four corners of gratitude was completed, they would renter the house through a different door. It was quite a common, quiet ritual that occurred throughout the south in black homes. If the mama’s mama was not available then the new mama would go stay with an auntie, older sister, or female cousin who possessed the knowledge and ability to take proper care of the two until the mama and baby were strong enough to go back to their own home where the husband and sometimes other children were waiting. That tradition stopped when black families began migrating to the north and to other places for their survival.